


His Protective Side

by FiftyShadesOfKillua



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Complete, Crying Killua Zoldyck, Determined Gon Freecs, Dont copy to another site, Embarrassed Killua Zoldyck, Fluff, Gen, Hunter x Hunter - Freeform, Nightmares, Protective Gon Freecs, hxh - Freeform, illumi is a bitch, nice gon freecs, quotes from anime, scared killua zoldyck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:26:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22536220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiftyShadesOfKillua/pseuds/FiftyShadesOfKillua
Summary: i used quotes from the anime :|
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 18
Kudos: 127





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i used quotes from the anime :|

He was sleeping. He was sleeping, with the hopes that the dreams wouldn't haunt him again.

He soon gave up on that.

He was always so scared, so, so scared that these wretched dreams would become reality. He cried silently at night, trying to keep quiet so he wouldn't bother Gon.

After all, these dreams were about _him_.

_**In dream** _

_Ki-Killua..? W-why did **cough** d-did you do th-this to me... I-I thought you ssaid you ch-changed..."_

_Gon's voice grew weaker by the second, the light in his eyes dulling to a dark void of emptiness._

_"Killua..."_

_He had done it. He had done exactly what his brother said he would do._

_He betrayed Gon._

_The tears streamed down Killua's face, the blood caking his hands drying quickly._

This... This is _Gon's_ blood... Gon... GON!

_He sobbed, wailed, screamed, shouted, all until his throat couldn't handle the strain any longer. He then settled on scratching, using the same fingertips that had caused the death of his most favored human being. He clawed at his face, wishing that all the torture for endurance would fail him. He desperately tried to inflict pain on himself, remorse and guilt clouding his sight and hearing._

_But he still heard the words of his brother, who had suddenly appeared tightly gripping his shoulders. "See Killu... I told you this would happen, I told you you were and are an assassin, no matter what you tell yourself. This is what happens when you don't listen to your brother..."_

_"Killu."_

"HHHH!" Killua gasped for air, sitting bolt-right in bed. He turned, seeing that Gon was still fast asleep on the far side of his room, the yellow blanket failing to cover him. _If only I could sleep as quickly and peacefully as Gon does..._ the boy in green had now started drooling, muttering something incoherent under his warm breath.

Killua smiled at Gon, but the smile soon wavered and morphed into a frown. Soon, he was tearing up, trying his best not to gasp out too loudly from the sobs that escaped his lips. _I'm scared. I'm scared, Gon. What should I do? I... I don't want to lose you..._

Gon furrowed his eyebrows in his sleep, and Killua quickly turned to the opposite side and draped the fuzzy white blanket over his face. There was a lot of shifting from Gon's side, and the creak of the bed indicating Gon had slipped off his comfy bed sheets. Killua heard the padding of Gon's feet come closer, and Killua's breath caught in his chest.

The soft _pat pat_ of Gon's walking soon passed Killua, and he released his breath a little too loudly.

"...Killua? Are you awake?" Gon's voice was a little deeper and huskier from drowsiness, and this caused a blush to bloom on Killua's face despite the fact that he was still crying. He stayed silent. Soon, Gon began walking towards the bathroom they shared in his room.

Once Killua heard the door shut, a quiet but audible cry escaped his mouth. He cupped his ears, clenching some of his hair in a futile attempt to rip it off. He curled up in a ball, the sobs coming out a little louder. He had to constantly remind himself not to get too loud, or Gon would hear him.

But Gon was already listening.

His ear was pressed flush against the dark oak wood, capturing the solemn wails Killua emitted. He was confused; why was Killua crying? Did he have a nightmare? Did he get hurt?

Gon abruptly opened the bathroom door _just_ when Killua had poked his head out for a breath of fresh air. Gon stared at Killua, his eyes soft in an attempt to calm Killua down silently.

"Killua, why are you crying? Are you ok? Can you tell me?"

Killua just stared at Gon, shaking his head slowly. He couldn't believe Gon heard him. He was now going to ridicule him, call him names, shun him and mark him as a crybaby.

But a little corner of his mind kept nagging him, urging Killua to tell Gon. That little fragment or his conscience also knew how kind Gon was. It was speaking louder by the second, until Killua felt the _need_ to speak to Gon. His head ached, all the harsh weeping finally taking its toll.

"G-Gon..."

"Can I come over?"

"Y-yea."

Gon trudged over, clasping Killua's pale hand in both his own. "What's wrong?'

"I... I've been having d-dreams..."

"Mmhm..."

"About you..."

"Yea?" Gon visibly perked up, and despite the light look in his eyes, a concerned aura emitted from the older boy. "What about me?"

"W-well, you knnnow how I was an assassin... Well... Aniki always told me th-that I would betray my friends... A-and I've been having d-dreams," Gon tensed when Killua began bawling again, the mucus from his nose dripping despite how much he was rubbing at his face. "D-dreams where _hic_ w-where I had _hic_ j-just k-k- _hic_ -killed y-you! A-a-a-and I'm sso so sc-scared th-that it... it... _hic_ -it w-would happen an-"

"Killua."

"H-huh?"

"It's ok! I know you won't betray me. And even if you did in the end, I wouldn't mind being betrayed by you! And I know that I can't see the future, but I want you to know that it will be _ok_ ," Gon paused to engulf Killua in a hug, who wrapped his arms around Gon's waist. Shoving his face in the crook of Gon's face, he began sobbing even louder. "Because Killua... I _care_ about you! I care enough to _not_ care about being hurt by you, even though I know you wouldn't do it willingly! So whatever I probably said in that dream, because I'm guessing I said something that upset you, isn't something you should worry about, ok!"

"Bu-but Gon..." Killua was surprised; how could Gon read him so well? _Gon, you are light. Sometimes you shine so brightly, I must look away. But even so, is it still fine for me to stay by your side?_

Gon and Killua shared a long hug for a while, Killua still sniffling by the time he had calmed down. They were both now in each other's warm embrace, tired and sleepy from crying and comforting.

"Killua..?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you."

Killua looked at Gon with widened eyes, the surprised and shocked complexion evident on his face. "I'm glad you came with me. No... I'm glad I got to know you!"

"Cut it out, stupid. You're embarrassing me."

"Why? I really mean it."

_You've got it backwards. Gon, I should thank you. I'm the one who's glad that I got to know you._

"But... what do you mean 'came with me'?"

"Well, you could have ignored me and continued to travel with Alluka after the year we separated instead of coming with me when I called you! But you even went through the trouble of convincing Bisky to take Alluka under her care... and I really appreciate that! I... I didn't know how much longer I could have gone without you..."

"Gon..."

"S-so, thank you!" Gon was now blushing furiously, a rare sight for the albino to witness. Killua smiled widely, hugging Gon with a fluttering in his chest he only felt with his best friend.

 _Thank_ you _, Gon._

**_IT WAS CHEESY-_ **


	2. NEW REVISED VERSION :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a sudden hit of inspo from the last couple of comments I got (and after re-reading the TRASH that this was, fite me over it) I didn't have the heart to just delete this and make a new one because of all the lovely comments you left me istg （；´д｀）ゞ but yea so i changed it a little bit, and well this is nor beta read and i didnt revise this and a wrote this instead of unpacking my bag and cleaning my room like i was SUPPOSED TO-
> 
> also im gonna get tested to see if i have the harbinger of doom or not wish me luck :'D

Killua stared up at the ceiling. It wasn’t too long before his eyelids grew heavy enough to force him asleep. After all, he hadn’t slept for the past week.

A shaky sigh left as he slipped into unconsciousness…

_“Killua! Ki-llu-a~ Come on, these rides aren’t going to ride themselves!” Killua grinned as he ran after Gon, a hand stretched out, waving._

_“Coming, Gon!” He ran a little faster when he felt a chill up his spine. He followed Gon around for a while before it suddenly went dark, and the hand dragging Killua around fell along with its body. “Gon..? Gon! A-answer me!”_

_“He’s dead, Killu.”_

_“Aniki-'' Killua whirled around, only to regret it when he saw Gon’s severed head in Illumi’s hand. Dull eyes once full of life stared back at Killua, and Killua could feel the bile creeping up his throat as fresh tears streamed down his face. He trembled under Illumi’s gaze._

_“This is your fault, Killu. I told you, you don’t need friends. You_ can’t _have friends. Anything good will eventually come to an end, Killu.”_

_“B-but you-”_

_“You killed him by getting too close.” Illumi’s eyes started swirling, and suddenly, Killua was back in the dungeon, Milluki with a whip in hand, and his mother screeching gleefully._

_“No, please,_ please _, I’m sorry Gon, I’m so sorry…”_

_Milluki raised the whip, and Killua watched with empty eyes as it came crashing down-_

Killua gasped. He blinked slowly, recalling what he had just dreamed of. He quickly turned his head towards Gon who was on the opposite side of the room, sleeping peacefully as usual. Killua let out a tired sigh. _Damn it…_ He smiled fondly. _Wish I could sleep as quickly as this idiot…_ Killua sniffled and was startled when he felt something wet on his face. His lips wobbled. He slipped under the covers, and let the tears flow. Small gasps and coughs could be heard from Killuas side of the room- he didn’t know what it was, he usually cried silently…

_Maybe he was hoping Gon would help._

Killua sucked in a breath, suddenly scared. What if Illumi _was_ planning on killing Gon if Killua didn’t do the deed first? If Gon realized that his family would be out for blood, would he leave him? Would Gon detest him? Did he have to kill Gon?

_What… what should I do? Should I tell him? I’m a risk… I’m just a valuable tool. I can’t, I can’t get too close, or else Gon will get killed…_

Killua held his breath when he heard Gon groan. He listened as Gon’s bed creaked, and the soft padding of his feet crossed the room and out the door, probably to the bathroom. Killua poked his head out from under the blankets when the door closed- it was a bit stuffy, staying under. He coughed, grabbing a tissue from the bed stand beside him, and blew his nose quite loudly. He had to remind himself not to let Gon hear.

“Killua? Is Killua sick?”

But- of course, he was already listening.

Killua stiffened. He stared with wide, scared eyes as Gon’s own stared back, swimming with concern. “G-Gon. I, uh-”

“Killua! Is Killua okay? I heard you sniffing, I wasn’t sure if Killua had a cold… Killua, why are you crying?”

Killua turned his face away. “I’m okay, Gon. It’s, I’m not crying, It’s just some weird side effect of some cold I caught.”

“Killua shouldn’t lie to me.” Gon pouts, and Killua scowls.

“I said I’m _fine_ , Gon, just drop it. I’m going back to sleep.”

“No.”

“Hah?”

“Killua need help! I want to help Killua.” Killua turned his face, frowning as he noticed the stupid gleam in Gon’s eyes that meant he wasn’t going to drop it.

_Thank goodness,_ a little part of him thought. He shoved it down quickly. He can’t feel relieved, not when Gon is going to hate him, if he explains, he’s going to leave him… _I’ll be alone…_

“Killua?”

“H-huh?”

“Killua’s crying again. Please, Killua? Tell me? I’m not going back to sleep until I’m sure you are okay again.” Gon walked over, sitting down on the edge of Killua’s bed, patting the spot next to him.

“Gon…” Killua relented, a small ache in his heart knowing he would have to say goodbye soon. “I…” Killua glanced at Gon, noticing how soft his eyes had gone, and let out a little sigh of relief. At least he wasn’t weirded out… “I, well, I had, I had a dream. About you. And well, I…”

“Killua can rant, I’m listening.” Gon patted Killuas back softly, which he found oddly comforting.

“Well, we started out in this amusement park, and we’re just, walking around u-until,” Killua takes a shuddering breath, rubbing his arms in nervousness as he continued, “until, it suddenly g-got dark. And, and you just, just, _dropped_ to the floor, and, A-Aniki, he was, h-holding…” Killua choked, shaking, and Gon grabbed the blanket to drape him in it. He smiled softly when Killua looked at him fearfully.

“Killua’s okay, I’m right here, hmm? So Killua can continue without worry.”

_Easier said than done,_ Killua thought bitterly, but quickly shook the thought out. “Uh… I uh, Aniki, he killed you, and, and told me that, that it was my fault for getting to c-close, and I, uhm-” Killua stuttered slightly when Gon rubbed his arms in comfort. “We were suddenly back home… and uh, Piggy was there, with a whip, mother was watching from the distance, and I, I woke up. Uh, yea. That’s it…”

“Killua shouldn’t worry about that. Killua knows that we have strong friends, and that, if anything ever happens, they will help. Like Killua and everyone helped me after the war. Killua isn’t alone. And I won’t let them take you back there, even without my Nen. I’ll find a way. Plus, the Hunter’s Association is after Illumi, so If he even comes near us we can easily call and have him killed. Even if he is a strong Nen user, he isn’t the _strongest_. Bisky is probably much stronger- oh, and, Kurapika’s chains are Nen chains, those aren’t easily breakable… and if we get hurt, we can call Leorio since I know you wouldn’t trust anyone else with that…”

Killua listened to Gon, a heavy-weight he didn’t know was on his chest suddenly lifting. A small smile tugged at his lips. What was he thinking? This was Gon, the stupidest, most stubborn, loyal person on earth…

_Gon… You are... light. Sometimes you shine_ so _brightly, I can’t look straight at you, but, even then, is it still okay for me to stay by your side?_

“Oh, and, Killua?”

“Hmm?”

“Even if Killua did betray me, which I know he wouldn’t, I don’t mind. If it’s Killua, I don’t mind ever being betrayed!”

“You- you _idiot_ , how can you just _say_ things like that! You’re so stupid!”

“Killua…”

“What is it now, Gon-”

“Thank you.”

“H-huh?”

“I’m glad you came back to me, no… I’m glad that I got to know you!”

Killua felt a little pang of nostalgia. He muttered, “Cut it out, stupid… You’re embarrassing me…”

“But why? I really mean it, without Killua, I would probably be back in Whale Island doing homework…” Gon grimaced. Killua laughed softly.

_You’ve got it backwards, Gon… I should be thanking you._ I’m _the one who’s glad that I got to know you…_

“Well! We should probably get back to sleep, it’s almost 5 am, and we said we would wake up early to meet Alluka and Bisky! And, Killua should always know that he can come to me whenever he needs something. But not only me! We have a lot of friends who care about Killua!”

“Y-yea, okay. Thanks, Gon.”

“Mmhm!” Gon stood up, smiling warmly at Killua before running and jumping on his bed dramatically. This got a snort from Killua. Gon grinned. “Goodnight, Killua! Sweet dreams.”

“Night, Gon.”

The two drifted off into a deep slumber, Gon’s dreams filled with Mito scolding him and having him sit down to finish all the homework he missed in his travels. _These problems won’t solve themselves!_

And, well, let’s just say Killua’s dream was filled with Chocorobo… sweet indeed…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...
> 
> Feel free to mention any mistakes plz thank you u-u
> 
> also the amount of times i had to hold myself back from making gon just hold him and be like ITS OKAY KILLUA AJSHIAUDFY and have killua not doubt himself-
> 
> someone send h e l p i shall combust
> 
> anyways
> 
> THANK YOU FOR READINGGG idk how this just poured out of me if you are reading this then rip your soul for reading smth as bad as this
> 
> okay ill shut up now i need to go change to take the test _Luna exe has stopped working_

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: 8/12/2020  
> I made a discord server!! dont expect much from it yet, im really not that good with bots and idk how to make the automatic roles and whatnot, so for now ill be adding that manually.   
> https://discord.gg/AUBWQgg


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